Every season of life is different. There are some that are easier than others.
Three years ago was a difficult season of life for my family. I suffered a miscarriage that summer, then in the fall, we lost my dear grandfather to pancreatic cancer, and Blake's great grandmother went to be with the Lord...in the same week. Then only two months later, we were sadden again with the death of Blake's sweet grandfather to a sudden stroke. It was a whirlwind that is a blur. However, in the midst of sadness, that winter we found out we were expecting Little Man. It was joy among the tears. A renewal of life after we had experienced so much death.
Little Man was born the following August, healthy and beautiful. I knew the moment I held him in my arms that I wanted to have that feeling over and over. I loved being a mother and I longed to have more babies to add to our family....relatively soon.
Blake and I rang in the new year with cheers, a kiss, and an plan to make Little Man a big brother. Just the thought of being pregnant again, which I love, was exciting! On Valentines Day, we were surprised to find out that I was pregnant already! We were cautiously optimistic, but I truly felt that the Lord was giving me peace about the pregnancy. I did not worry and thought that everything was falling into place perfectly. I found out that my due date was my Dad's 54th birthday! What a birthday gift! We couldn't wait to tell our family, however, we wanted to visit the doctor first and see if everything looked OK. Due to my previous miscarriage, they monitored my HCG levels to see if they were doubling properly. To my dismay, they increased, but didn't quite double. I prayed that God would give me the strength to handle the next few days, for I feared what was to come. It was a game of "hurry up and wait!" But the Lord had different plans for us...I miscarried four days later.
Today, I am reflective and a little sad, but I am truly leaning on His word and His strength. During my bible study last week, the discussion was on patience. Hmmm....consequence...I don't think so? I walked away knowing that I was meant to be there in the presence of those Godly women and hear those encouraging words. "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength" Isaiah 40:31. Tonight at MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) I also listened to a mother who had to rely on God to heal her daughter, which tested her faith and hope. Now, two years later, she knows that each trial has made her a stronger witness to the Lord's miraculous hand. I realize that I am being constantly surrounded by His word and He is tapping me on the shoulder saying, "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT!
My timing is not always his timing...my plans are not necessarily His plans.
I would not have chosen this path...but it is the path that He has chosen for me.
Please, Lord grant me patience while I wait upon you.
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8 comments:
Thanks for sharing your heart on this. I have been thinking about you! I am praying for your patience with you. :)
Sweet Brittany....I will be praying for you. How wise you are to know and BELIEVE that you are in God's hands and that His timing is what is BEST for you, because He only wants you to have the BEST. You have a gift of making others feel loved and comfortable...I do not doubt that He will bless you with another to love.
Amy
Okay, I swear we must have been sisters or best friends in another life! I don't really want to get into it all on here, so please email me so we can "talk" privately! I look forward to talking to you soon!
I will be praying for you! Patience is a virtue that only God's grace can grant us. I prayed for patience and understanding through the long five years we tried for a baby.... now I realize all those tears and sad moments were leading us in God's path. I just couldn't see it then, but the moment we saw our precious Brennen we realized God's plan was beyond anything we ever imagined! His timing is sometimes not what we plan but His miracles and His gifts are so worth waiting for! I will be thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers! :)
Brittany, your story of faith is beautiful. You have encouraged me to be reminded of His plan for me... not 'my' plan for me.
Praying for you sweet friend.
Thinking and praying for you during this difficult time. How wise you are to understand and comprehend God's ultimate and complete timing.
I will be praying for you also. I completely understand God's perfect timing, especially with the connection of a mommy's love & want. When we found out that in-vitro was to be our only way to have children, I tried not to miss a beat & pray for God's timing, but there were still days of complete breakdown.
We are such blessed women for the miracles that God has given us already, in his OWN PERFECT TIME! And there is no doubt the special bond and love that is between Tate & I and Dustin& I, due to the patience, love and prayer.
We'll be thinking of You and Blake :)
Brittany I could have written word for word what you wrote. My heart hurts for you and I know all to well how that Patience game works too. May God keep us both close to Him and guide us through this crazy journey. Please know that you are not alone during this time either!
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